Been out

...where? I can't remember. So please do n0t ask. This the end of 2009. Year of our Lord. According to the calender. Been trudging through the year. Hoping. Not hopping. Hoping, that one day things will get better as they must. But things did not bother to get better. May be I would be better off hopping. Simpler. Just your usual expenditure of energy, you lose weight, the neighbours wonder if you have lost your mind (which is okay, anyway), then they wonder if you have been bewitched (which is outlandish ... but the outcome is the same) or both (which is fine, you can blame your condition on the bewitchment). The principals of the school called Zimbabwe do not know what they are doing. I doubt if anyone knows what they are doing. Doesn't matter. May be, one day things will get better, as they must.

National heroes

Who is a hero? Rather, what is a hero? In Zimbabwe, we always have a debate about who should grant and be granted national hero status. I think we tend to waste time debating a nonsensical issue. The definition of a hero in Zimbabwe is the sole preserve of Zanu-PF and you have to be in good books with Zanu-PF in order to be buried at the National Heroes Acre. I have heard people advocate that Jairos Jiri or Ndabaningi Sithole should have been buried at the National Heroes Acre. Those people are missing the point. The national heroes acre is neither heroic nor national.

I agree there are distinguished persons of heroic stature buried there e.g. Herbert Chitepo but we also have people of dubious status equally buried there. For example, while Cain Nkala may have fought for Zimbabwe's liberation, he played a part in the disappearance of Patrick Nabanyama then his own revolution 'ate' him. I do not know why Zanu-PF accorded him national hero status - except that it was politically convenient at the time since the MDC was accused of killing him. They just could not miss such a propaganda opportunity. Then, there are people who did not fight during the war, nor did they contribute anything of value to the nation except showing undying loyalty to Zanu-PF, rather, to Robert Mugabe e.g. Elliot Manyika. Calling that cemetery national is a misnomer. It does not reflect the nation it purports to represent. A partisan body decides which members of itself should be buried there. Advocating that Jairos Jiri be buried there is akin to insisting that a Pope be buried at Westminister Abbey. The national heroes acre is a Zanu-PF cemetery, so why would you want to be buried there if you are not Zanu-PF or better still, why should Zanu-PF bother to bury you there? 

Scream freedom!

I am surprised by the Chinese government. I wonder why they chose to suppress commemorations of the Tiananmen massacres. Why do they assume that pretending that something that actually happened did not happen will lead to a situation where the world forgets about it? I recently watched the Chinese documentary on Tibet. While some of the stories in the documentary may be true, I do not trust a source of information that insists on being the only source while suppressing others. What kind of freedom is that? Apart from it being rather childish, it negates all the gains that China has achieved so far.  I have immense respect for China and the Chinese people but some of these issues tend to mar their record.

Another disturbing story is the continued detention of Aung San Suu Kyi. You wonder what that military junta expects to achieve. A salute to the guys who fight for freedom everywhere. I hope you will achieve what you are fighting for. Will always be with you in the struggle. Hope everyone will be free.

I did not want to write about Africa, but hey, it's unavoidable. Not when you have Mr Mugabe hosting the Sudanese, Swazi, Ugandan leaders and all the other members of the dictators' club. It is my hope that the newly launched customs union will be followed closely by reasonable standards of democratic governance and I hope the rest of the world including China will assist us in this endeavour. 

My thoughts on the new constitution

A new constitution for Zimbabwe is compulsory. The current constitution has been an issue for Zimbabwe's entire history because it has many faults and the people who were tasked with upholding it bizarrely chose to enforce the negative. It is safe, therefore, to say the problem here is to do with both the constitution (as the key structure on which Zimbabwe is founded) and constitutionalism (as the duty to uphold the provisions of the constitution). I will first present my thinking on the constitution itself, then try to develop arguments that can assist us in mainstreaming constitutionalism in the constitution making process and beyond. There are certain areas which have generated a lot of controversies and polemics. Interestingly, I find this rather healthy since the only place you should find a consensus is a cemetery not among live, rational human beings with their heads screwed in place. Then there are certain areas which generate less controversy. I will try to highlight the areas I feel strongly about:

1. Human rights and their protection: There are many obvious violations of human rights in Zimbabwe's entire history. What we should think about as a people is to develop and mainstream mechanisms of protecting the rights and freedoms of people (not just of citizens) within the boundaries of Zimbabwe. I feel we should try to borrow heavily from the universal declaration on human rights, in particular but not limited to: (a) the right to life, since it is probably the only right without which no other rights can be exercised; (b) the right to hold and transmit an opinion using the media of own choice as long as such a right does not infringe on the rights of others; (c) freedom of movement and assembly without those rights being arbitrarily withdrawn for political expediency; (d) freedom from torture and any other degrading or inhuman treatment (staggeringly Zimbabwe is neither a signatory nor a ratifier of the United Nations Convention Against Torture!); (e) the right to hold multiple citizenships, ref (c) above; (f) freedom of thought and expression, similar to (b) above; (g) no discrimination against a person on the basis or religion, ethnic grouping, gender, political or sexual orientation; (h) right to hold private property and protection from arbitrary seizure of private property; (i) freedom from arbitrary arrest. These and other rights should be specifically stated in an appropriate article or in a bill of rights. Some of these rights are expanded below.
2. The death sentence: There has been a lot of debate worldwide about capital punishment. I am personally opposed to it in as far as it has no rehabilitative value, no deterrent value, is purely punitive and vindictive, is irreversible in the event of error, and does not offer restitution to the wronged. In addition, I think a convicted individual still has a right to life. Further, who will be doing the killing of the convict and what should be society's attitude towards such killers? I feel the new constitution must specifically get rid of the death sentence.
3. The right to sexual orientation: This issue has created very interesting polemics worldwide and has been a very intensely debated issue in Zimbabwe leading to the break up the Anglican church, the Zimbabwe International Book Fair hullabaloo in the 90s and the sacking of a few individuals from the ZBC. Zimbabwe's first president was gay! Maybe, if Zimbabwean society was tolerant of gays he would not have ended up being convicted of rape later on. The constitution should allow for the right to a sexual orientation and the right to exercise that right. When I first entered this debate, I used to think that gay people chose to be gay. Now, after reading many scientific articles detailing the basis of sexual orientation and giving examples from the animal world (meaning Mr Mugabe's infamous 'worse than dogs and pigs' speech has no basis), I think if there are those that chose to be gay they are in the minority. In any case there is nothing wrong with choosing to be gay.
4. The structure of the government, powers and separation of power: I think one of Mr Mugabe's enduring gifts to Zimbabwe is a demonstration of what happens when an individual vested with untrammelled power abuses that power. There are so many staggering examples that I will not waste time describing or discussing them except a few pertinent issues: (a) There should be genuine separation of power as opposed to situation where the legislature is a rubber stamp of the executive. Parliament currently does not have adequate oversight on the executive in most areas and has zero control of other areas. For example, the country's intelligence services are not accountable to anyone except the president, that is why the culture of human rights abuses and impunity are entrenched in Zimbabwe's political landscape. (b) The judiciary should be truly free from interference. There are many judges who have been harassed, jailed or subjected to inhuman treatment as a result of their judgements. Judges should be immune to such harassment but should also be subjected to a review process to ensure the highest standards. (c) The executive should have limited powers, especially, the oft abused power of pardon where all sorts of thugs from Gukurahundi to the present have been pardoned so that they live to commit another atrocity. In actual fact, I feel the president or some equivalent authority should exercise the power of clemency, amnesty or pardon in consultation with parliament and give adequate reasons for the action to the judiciary. (d) The structure of the cabinet should be revised to reduce the number of people in executive authority. In addition, we should set a limit to the number of ministries and departments in the same way we define constitutional commissions.
5. Professionalism in the armed forces: Zimbabwe's recent history has a lot of examples of generals and commissioners wanting to interfere in the democratic process or trying to protect Gono or some other such despicable conduct. The constitution should specifically keep the generals in the barracks by inserting an article somewhere that imposes a gag order on all people in uniform in as far as which political party or person they prefer. They should neither endorse nor oppose a political entity but should stick to their duty to serve the country under whoever is the leader at a particular time. I think parliament should be given authority to demand the removal of such an individual. While we know that you can not be appointed to such a high rank (even attorney general for that matter) if you are not sympathetic to the party in power, you should not be allowed to say it in public because the office you hold should not be partisan and should not be viewed aspartisan. In addition, there should be safeguards and systems in place to prevent or punish human rights violations by people in uniform in a transparent manner which will improve public trust. Another pertinent point here is to specifically define who has powers of arrest. If a suspect is supposedly 'arrested' by a person in uniform or a member of the president's office, the attorney general should be specifically prohibited from prosecuting that person; may be that way we will not have abductions disguised as arrests.
6. A federal Zimbabwe versus a unitary Zimbabwe: I recently read an article concerning this topic, so some of the ideas here are not necessarily mine. We have seen what a unitary Zimbabwe does and has done. I think we borrow some of the strengths of the federal system and implement them here. South Africa, though not a completely federal state, provides a very interesting example. I think we can copy that system and implement it here. The main drawback, however, may be the costs associated with implementing the project. These costs can be offset by (a) reducing the number of provinces as suggested, (b) replacing the appointed governor with an elected governor or premier, (c) abolishing the provincial administrator's post which in any case was a quasi-permanent secretaryship to the governor and (d) limiting the sizes of the provincial executives and legislative assemblies. Whether this will achieve the noble goal of more focused and equitable development is another story. 
   
7. The electoral system and the means to administer it: Zimbabwe has experienced two electoral administrative systems and I do not think anyone in Zimbabwe trusts the two. This could be a result of the failings of the incumbents; Tobaiwa Mudede, then George Chiweshe, or weaknesses in the system itself. Creating a quasi-federal system will obviously call for a modification of the electoral system. I also feel that we need to revisit the first-by-the post system and replace it with some other system. The composition of the electoral commission, voter registration, the method of voting, counting and verifying the ballots and procedures for announcement should be revamped to reduce inefficiencies and opportunities for abuse. We should also modernise it to allow computerised voting and to allow Zimbabweans outside the country to vote.

The constitution must have inbuilt safeguards to enforce adherence to its stipulations. While I may not elaborate on those, it is incumbent upon every Zimbabwean to ensure that the provisions of the new constitution are respected. The current constitution has a few positives but unfortunately we have no committed ourselves to adequately implement these.

A disappointment

Manchester United lost. That happens, once in a while. I personally think that they started well then inexplicably collapsed. It seems they collapsed three times this season and if they have to really dominate Europe they have to maintain their focus throughout a match. They lost sight of the ball against Liverpool (remember that 4-1 drubbing), then they repeated the 'feat' against Fulham a week later. But this time they did it at the most dramatic of stages. Then, there is that Nigerian fan who took his disappointment to extremes ... sad. Anyway, ManU will be back.

Schadenfreude, altruistic punishment or a remarkable diversion?

Well, nothing has changed! The same old permanent secretaries and their long lists on incompetencies. The same attorney general and RBZ governor. Okay here is my perception of all this, seriatim. Zimbabwe's permanent secretaries seem, at face value, to be simple career civil servants. Indeed some of them may be, but some are complex characters whose past and present attitude towards democracy and basic rights and freedoms is at best dubious and at worst malicious. An example, is the candidate for the Publicity and Information post, one Dr. George Charamba. While I do not know whose long hand authored the Nathaniel Manheru column, I feel that a person who condoned such extreme hate speech as was common on the column cannot be expected to be a servant who carries out honest media reform. I stand to be corrected, sorry, surprised. In addition, we should stop pretending that there were no other persons who would have taken over as PermSecs and that the current crop are not political appointees. The PermSec is the CEO of the ministry and I doubt if Mr Mugabe has ever appointed any of them on merit alone. I think he appointed them on their ability to sing praises to him first, any other qualifications being secondary and, in instances, immaterial. So, for the MDC to simply accept the so called criteria and accept the lot is a case of misplaced trust. Or misplaced hope. Or both. My verdict is that all the PermSecs have nothing to offer; in fact, they may turn out to be serious obstacles.

The attorney general is another interesting character. I do not want to delve into his qualifications. Bob might be untrustworthy democracy-wise, but he would not be so crass as to appoint an unqualified person to the post. What I feel uncomfortable about this man is his seemingly relentless pursuit of the nonsensical. What is the probability of Jestina Mukoko et alum succeeding in plotting, let alone succeeding in removing Bob unconstitutionally? Most of the people who stand accused of this crime are members of the MDC. Why then do you choose to prosecute minions when you are dining with the head of the MDC every day? Staggeringly, people who were involved in the abduction and subsequent murder of MDC activists Chiminya and Mabika are not being prosecuted even though they are quite well known. Is this a situation where a ZANU PF attorney general is deliberately blind to ZANU PF excesses but he is clear sighted about the activities of the MDC? Whatever the outcome of those prosecutions, Tomana will go down in Zimbabwe's history as a person who, when given the chance, failed to protect human rights and democratic pursuit; spectacularly. These charges have been recycled ad nauseum since independence and no one, I mean NO ONE, was ever been convicted. The question is why waste national resources in pursuit of a case where the so called evidence was extracted under duress when the accused was being held incommunicado after being abducted? The last time a judge was asked to pass a judgement on a case with a similar history, the learned and competent justice dismissed the state case as fictitious and set free the accused. While the judge set the Cain Nkala accused free, they suffered irreversible harm to both body and soul, and sadly one is said to have died after the ordeal. The question to Tomana is, why are you repeating the same thing?

The RBZ governor is like everyone's pet project! Bob says he won't go, the service chiefs are happy with him, Gilbert Muponda wants him gone (yesterday!) and Biti is busy clipping his wings. I do not know what to add to the debate but I will try. First, Mr Mugabe should remember that he is not God. Second, he should remember that he once swore in his mother's name that the MDC will never win elections. Third, God gives you a long life so that events in your life will teach you how to be humble. Fourth, governing with the consent of the generals is not the same as governing with the consent of the governed. The service chiefs are happy with Gono. Of course, they have to be. Where else in the world do you get a central bank governor who has bought an army, an airforce, a police force, an intelligence agency and a prison service by giving the leaders cars, tractors generators etc which he has purchased using money stolen from other people's forex accounts? They would be mad if they did not support him. Chinamasa's loud noises are irrelevant, and are best left without the dignity of a comment. Then, there is Gilbert, of all people. While Gono did a lot to dispossess other business people and to persecute and haunt them out of the country, I do not think that Gilbert can, in all honesty, point at Gono and tell us how bad he is. But then, which one of the dispossessed business people wouldn't be willing to donate a rope to hang Gono? Mr Biti's efforts are commendable in as far as he wants to address governance issues at the RBZ, especially the bizarre arrangement where the governor chairs the board and runs the RBZ. That is an obvious recipe for disaster. But, if his objectives are vindictive, then he should be stopped. What I really do not understand about Gono's case is why we are so obsessed with his discomfort? Is it a case of Schadenfreude? Or are we calling for his punishment for the benefit of Zimbabwe as a whole? Or our attention is being diverted to Gono so that we lose sight of our agenda to deliver democracy? After all, Mr Gono himself knows that he is not liked, nor trusted by the ordinary Zimbabwean. There reasons he is not resigning are difficult to come up with but I think the following could be some of the reasons; 1) a desire to hide or alter records at the RBZ that would be inimical to his freedom or that of his so called principals, 2) a disproportionate sense of individual ability and a bloated ego, 3) a hope that the West and other donors will 'go to sleep' and give him millions of USD so that he can repurchase the generals etc, 4) an absence of a sense of shame for past misdeeds, which is ominous, 5) he is a useful focal point for people's efforts while ZANU PF plans their next orgy of violence or some other such undemocratic endeavour. 

Decisions that change everything, yet change nothing

The title of this blog is a common cliche, but I will use it. I have seen Zimbabwe make so many decisions that change everything, yet change nothing. In February, people were happy to have this chimeric inlcusive government. They were hoping, as all desperate people are wont to do, that the IG will bring change. Well, it did. Every civil servant earns USD100 a month. The net effect of this sum is to shift civil servants from one category of obscene and desparate poverty to another. No point in calculating the Gini coefficient here! We no longer have the 'change-money' industry but we seem to have violent crimes and robberies increasing by the day. We no longer have extreme hate speech on TV, but journalists are still being jailed for quoting documents that are in the public domain. We even have visits from the most interesting quarters - North Korea! Very interesting friends at this juncture; well at least they built that colossal cemetery which we confuse with a heroes' acre. Then we have the Mutambara MDC formation suspending all and sundry making Job Sikhala totally Jobless! I liked the responses from both Sikhala and the youth leader. All I need to point out for the two is; pretending to resign from a party after being suspended makes you less credible critics of the same party. If there was something wrong with the party, you should not have waited to be suspended for you to write your erudite articles on the failures of the party. For the record, I have always viewed that formation (you included) with suspicion.

The RBZ and my money

I have read a lot of commentary on the activities of the RBZ for the last five years. Needless to say, every Zimbabwean has been a victim of whatever errors (or failures) that are attributed to 'our governor'. I have also read his response in various articles. I think Gono's major weakness is his overwhelming perception of being a genius of some sort, to the point that he comes across as arrogant. Which is rather unfortunate if you are in the kind of situation he is in. I know that GG may insist on being around for some time but the reality is he is no longer welcome to head the country's central bank and in many respects he should be bypassed. I think all Zimbabweans, including Gono himself, should openly and honestly tell him to go.

There are several pertinent questions that have to be asked whenever we assess his tenure at the helm of the RBZ. Honest answers to these questions may give us an indication of what to do. Under what circumstances did the RBZ come to owe NGOs, universities, companies and farmers? Did the RBZ inform the affected individuals or ask them for their money? These two questions are best answered by the statement that he raided the accounts. Out of interest, is it legal for the central bank governor to simply raid an account? Further, how does a sane, rational individual, acting rationally, expect the affected individual to operate without the raided funds? 

It seems there is a method to this madness after all. The agenda was to save ZANU PF, but one of the most interesting consequences of this theft is that the affected individuals (especially the farmers) became dependent on the reserve bank and began to see it as their saviour against the evil west that had imposed sanctions on Zimbabwe. This is a spectacular case of the Stockholm syndrome where hostages think their captor is right. There are some within Zimbabwe who still think Gono was right. 

I recently read an article in which GG was putting forward the case for subsidies for farmers. I disagreed with him on a lot of points. First, the subsidies that are given to farmers in Europe, US and elsewhere come from national budgets with proper safeguards and accountability not from a single entity that appoints itself the national procurement agency. Second, the RBZ cannot claim to be subsidising farmers when it owes farmers that much money. What would be the point of the subsidies if the farmers are completely deprived of earnings that would improve their capacity in the long term? In addition, the RBZ (or at times the GMB) set the price of the produce. If you do the maths you will realise that the farmers were overall taxed (as opposed to being subsidised) by the institution that at face value seems benevolent. Third, the land reform programme is neither a programme nor a reform exercise. Let's stop lying about the obvious. Farm invasions and a few policies that have been haphazardly put together do not constitute a programme. And, vindictive and racist displacement of farmers is not reform. What we should do is revisit the whole exercise and optimise it so that national resources are used for the benefit of the nation. Meanwhile, no subsidies should be sent in that direction ... afterall all GG's subsidies for the past five years have failed to make the country food self sufficient. Fourth, the subsidies for the past five years (especially fertilisers, diesel etc) were simply sold on the black market. Gono is aware of that. At the relevant time, people who raised their voices against this were labelled as anti-Zimbabwe, unpatriotic etc.

I know one of Gono's main arguments about what he did was the 'sanctions' excuse. I know there are many contested issues pertaining to sanctions but one of the most obvious; (which has been acknowledged even by ZANU PF itself) was the main reason why the restrictive measures were put in place - political violence. While some people may want to yell on the rooftops about a bilateral dispute between Britain and Zimbabwe, the reality is that there are many innocent children of Zimbabwe who were murdered in the course of various electoral campaigns up to 2008. In addition, some of the lunacy is still ongoing (irrational detention of obviously innocent people). It would be irresponsible and outright delusional to expect the whole world to watch this breakdown of the rule of law and reward it by giving the perpertrators line sof credit and IMF funding. Anyway, even if the restrictive measures were there; does their existence justify the bankrupting of institutions by the central bank?

The central bank's wayward behaviour does not stop there. Why would you wait for four years to comply with a supreme court ruling? Who will compensate the affected for the lost business opportunities? While I am not happy with Zimbabwe's banking sector in general, I do not agree with a situation where an individual can ignore court rulings and then comply in his own sweet time. There is no reason why the RBZ faile dto comply sooner.

I read, and laughed long and loud, the comment in the Fingaz of Thursday May 08, 2009. I first thought the editor serious, then realised that it was probably meant to be a joke. Zimbabweans do not have a reason to thank GG at all, except if he quits, then we will thank him for doing the rational. The editor of the Fingaz had just run out of ideas. Further, there are people who still think GG did a good job. It's okay to hol such and opinion but ask yourselves how the dispossessed farmers, NGOs, bankers etc feel about the situation. You may have benefitted from the 'bags' and the whole 'moneychanger industry' but the rest of the country did not benefit and such behaviour has to come to an end.

 

What will be the outcome?

I have been reading articles; news, blogs, opinion pieces, propaganda, prayers, poems, stories on Zimbabwe. Interestingly none of the articles offer a solid plan to resolve the situation. Eddie Cross highlights that it is possible to wait and see what happens (because he has no strategic plan to push for an outcome of his choice). Arthur Mutambara thinks western interference is doing more harm than good - okay wake up Prof, the west will never shutup so get on with it. Others are busy attcking Tsvangirai, but hey the guy cannot do anything. His own plan is to allow democracy to creep into Zimbabwe peacefully with a bit of prompting from the international community. Last time he tried a final push.... I hope the next article I read will have a clear road map of what to do. It should avoid telling us how bad Mugabe is, we know that already. It should not bash the west, that's a typical habit of African leaders when they are in the process of burying their heads in the sand. I will keep my fingers crossed, meanwhile let me go to the bank to collect a hundred trillion dollars!

The year 2008 in alphabetical order

I want to put down a few thoughts about a year which I, and many Zimbabweans, would rather forget. We know it has been a watershed year in one aspect; we finally convinced ZANU PF that we actually do not like them. Before that, this salient point was in doubt. Now the doubt remains in Dr Mahoso's head. It was a bad year in general; an economic recession (started by the farm invasions the other year), a violent runoff (runaway with the vote) and the death of the ZimDollar. So we begin....

A: A is for Arthur Mutambara (just because M is reserved for you know who). This fellow (place grandiloquent between this and fellow) seems not to know what he wants from Zimbabwe's political landscape. First, he was against dictator Tsvangirai, then he decided he did not have any leadership qualities so he courted Makoni of the Mavambo fame, then he went to Tsvangirai for the runoff, then he was on his own for the GPA, then he was with Tsvangirai, then Mugabe, then Tsvangirai, then both, then Tsvangirai, then Mugabe, then he ended the year with an opinion piece against the west, Tsvangirai and everyone else except Mugabe and of course Mutambara. I am beginning to enjoy the raillery!

B: B is for BACOSSI - the basic commodities supply-side initiative. The phrase, and the popular acronym are meaningless (see G for the author of such useless things). The acronym now stands for anything that is viewed as cheap. Originally G thought he could supply all basic commodities to everyone at less than the cost of production - ever heard of a perpetual motion machine, anyone? Let's hope 2009 has more sanity. B is also for Biti, negotiator, MDC side.

C: C is for Cholera, that disease of the stone age that could be prevented by proper water and sanitation coverage and can be treated in a functional hospital with basic antibiotics. Problem is clean water, sanitation coverage, functional hospitals, basic antibiotics cannot be found in Bob's Zimbabwe. So, Cholera has been Zimbabwe's biggest export of the year, to SA, Malawi, Zambia, Botswana - has it reached the UK?

D: D is for DD - Dumiso Dabengwa of PF ZAPU, ZANU-PF, Mavambo, and PF ZAPU in that order. A most interesting character who was minster of home affairs when Zimabwe's police force (note: FORCE not SERVICE) reached extreme heights of partisanship. Now he thinks he wants to introduce a human rights culture (hooonest, I am not joking!) by reintroducing PF ZAPU. Forget it DD, you squandered all the sympathy we had for you (after all we thought you would learn from your incarceration and the death of your colleague Mafela). Forgetable.

E: E is for Election - harmonised, runoff, violence, delayed results and everything else. Dramatis personae - George Chiweshe (he can't count), Bob (he will always win even when he actually loses), Morgan (see T below), Makoni (of the Mavambo fame). The elections came but ZANU PF decided that they fought for one man one vote if the said man uses the said vote to elect ZANU PF - case closed.

F: F is for FOLIWARS, not wars of the Follies you dummy, another of DR GG's scheme to fleece Zimbabweans. This one was the partial dollarisation of Zimbabwe's economy whose net result was the total dollarisation of the economy. Need I say more?

G: G is for GG - Gideon Gono. A man who thinks he can reinvent human civilisation and redefine every economic theory that has ever been developed and tested. God help him in his quest. He succeeded in taking all Forex in the little economy and spent most of it on agricultural mechanisation, only there was no agriculture to mechanise. Result, total collapse of the economy as the companies whose forex was raided started buying forex on the market and as they say all hell broke loose! Now despite his belief that the US and Europe imposed sanctions on Zimbabwe, he has destroyed the ZimDollar and decided to use the USD, the Rand ... forget sovereignty, and hate the whites but love their money no end! He wrote a book in which he demonstrated that he is an active confused confusionist. Best described as a portrait of a failure. God save us from what he will dream up next.

H: H is for harmonised election (see E above). Only there was no harmony and all of us were supposed to elect Mr Mugabe, otherwise his supporters will cutoff your hand.

I: I is for Identity. Zimbabwe now does not have a currency of it's own. What are a we? A bunch of looneys methinks.

J: J is for Jonathan Moyo (Because M is reserved). The man, who  in a brief period from 2000 to 2005 destroyed the independent press and convinced every Zimbabwean to buy a satellite dish and decoder of some sort. He promised to silence the daily news forever a week before it's printing press was bombed (he was not involved - ha ha ha). He told us that the era of Mugabe winning the elections was irretrievably over and that if Mugabe won by hook or crook or by Chiweshe the economy would resoundingly reject him (All correct predictions it seems) then he dismissed Tsvangirai and the last we heard he was trying to overturn the election of the speaker. A busy one this one (Cf. A above).

K: K is for Khama Ian. The only SADC leader to recognise and name nonsense after the late Levi Mwanawasa. 

L: L is for Lovemore Moyo (As I have told you M is reserved!). The new speaker of parliament with the onerous task of steering Amendment 19 through the seventh parliament of Zimbabwe. Tough job.

M: M is for Mugabe (Robert Gabriel), a man who has been consistent in his entire history. He can't lose, even if you actually beat him remember he cannot lose. So if you win a contest against him you should know that the contest has yielded two winners, Mugabe as first and you second, ask Morgan.

N: N is for Nelson Chamisa. The MDC spokesperson who displays all the hallmarks of a demagogue. Give him access to the Herald, Sunday Mail and ZBC then watch this space. But so far quite entertaining!

O: O is for Obama. No comment.

P: P could have been for Zimbabwe's parliament but hey, there is Partrick Chinamasa (where would we put him?). This gentleman, a lawyer, and acting minister of finance decided that the September 11 agreed and initialed agreement is wrong so he switched it with a better on for the September 15 signing ceremony. 'First of all kill the lawyers', ha ha ha! But, he shows a typical ZANU PF strain, we know what is best for you, so leave the job of deciding to us. That's what they did at election time, that's what they did on September 15.

Q: Q is a quantum (not of solace).

R: R is for the ruling party, the MDC which won all the credible elections for the year and runs most local authorities. Euphoria, arrogance and blind support killed ZANU PF; do not repeat it. 

S: S is for September and it's signatures. The less said about it the better.

T: T is for both Morgan Tsvangirai and a fellow called Thabo Mbeki (please note that M is occupied). The first almost won everything then could not get a passport and now he is in Botswana, no SA... okay wherever. He is, by far, the most popular man in Zimbabwe as I write and if he remains focused might turn out to be the best thing Zimbabwe has ever produced - that's way too much praise for a trade unionist best known for boycotts! The second is the one who is trying to hoodwink the first into not achieving his dream. The most interesting thing about Mbeki is that he is a snake-charmer of sorts. Look at how he charmed ZANU PF into signing that GPA.

U: U is for unforgivable. The conduct of ZANU PF and GG this year.

V: V is for violence. The only means ZANU PF can use to persuade Zimbabweans to vote for it. Unfortunately, the world is not that amused.

W: W is for Welshman Ncube. Interesting, isn't it? All three made it in the alphabet. He was part of the boffins that came up with the impossible to implement GPA.

X: X is for that mark you put on a ballot paper which was not recognised this year. Let's hope they will show some respect for it in the future.

Y: Y is for the year 2008. At least now ZANU PF knows!

Z: Z is for ZANU PF. A party that wrote a brilliant history then systematically unwrote it! They lacked leadership renewal and now resorts to abduction, torture, murder etc to gain popularity while other liberation parties such as Chama Cha Mapinduzi enjoy serious support. You only have one opportunity to learn - you do so when you are young, at 85, the learning may be too difficult. Where is the dustbin?